if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
