Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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