her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
