best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
