btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
