I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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