I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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