what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
