I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
