she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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