Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
