I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
