I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
