Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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