I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
