I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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