Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm getting married
To pizza
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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