A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
