I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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