just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
