Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
