Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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