felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
