I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
