she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
