Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
