At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
