cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
