apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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