Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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