If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
