yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't deserve a penis
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
