so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
