What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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