He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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