All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i believe in u and ur pee
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
