The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
