I hate your face
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
