I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
