WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
