You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
