Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
