Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
