dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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