i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
