So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
