I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I believe in your delicious
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
