she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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