If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
