I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
