i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
