just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
