the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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