Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
