Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
