my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
