Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
